he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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