IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
