I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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