hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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