Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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