I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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