if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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