you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
