got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
