Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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