bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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