so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
