It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
