Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
