is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
