it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
