she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
