y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
