So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
