Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
