the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
