I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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