I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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