i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
