Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
