Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
