We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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