I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
