Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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