I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every concussion has its silver lining
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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