That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
