we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
