life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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