I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
