____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
