Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
