Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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