Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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