Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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