I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we should paint friendship bongs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
