i don't like sucking hair
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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