i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it glows. i had to have it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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