; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
