My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
