Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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