wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
