i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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