Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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