i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pants are for mortals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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