i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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