i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
