I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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