Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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