So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
