8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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