I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
